Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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