She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
