I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
