I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
