The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
