sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
