Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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