drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
