I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
