matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
