I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
