take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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