I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
