Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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