Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
