Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Randomize
