She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
