dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
