wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
