There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize