She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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