i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
