I could make wine with my vomit
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
