dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
