Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
