Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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