I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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