It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
