do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
