it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
