I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
