I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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