Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
