also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
