I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
