things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
