No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
