He kissed a someone with a penis
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
