Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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