I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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