If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
