She's JV to your varsity
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
