Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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