I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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