The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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