Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
