my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
