I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
