Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
