OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
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