I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
