It's like God shit irony all over that family
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
