people are starting to question the shark bite story
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
