you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
