We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize