I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
