is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
