where am i from again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
