dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Someone shit on the floor
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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