The maid of honor just puked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
