guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
