she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
