You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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