my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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