Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
